Justice is Served

Something strange is happening in the English justice system. Within the last two months we have seen first Pete Doherty, and now Joey Barton, finally sent to jail for a succession of crimes that any average joe off the street would’ve gone down for years ago. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Doherty; he’s a bit of an idiot sure, but a harmless rogue at heart. Barton however, is just a vicious piece of shit, showing his true colours time and time again without a hint of remorse. Today he was sentenced to six months in jail, for what the learned Judge Henry Globe QC called a “violent and cowardly act.” Sounds about right folks doesn’t it?

The court heard how Barton had been out on a Boxing Day bender with his brother, cousin, and assorted other ragmuffins in Liverpool city centre. Barton's cousin, the undoubtedly gorgeous Nadine Wilson, and his brother Andrew also pleaded guilty to their part in the assaults. Reportedly Barton had drunk more than ten pints of lager before understandably stopping into a McDonald's on Church Street. There the motley crew got into a heated exchange with some hooded youths inside the fine establishment, before leaving and walking away further up Church Street. Our Joey was then caught on CCTV knocking an unidentified man to the ground, before straddling him and cracking him four or five times as his cousin menacingly threw food at the victim. The Premier League star then punched the unconscious man many more times, before moving on to someone closer to his own mental age; the Newcastle midfielder randomly attacked a 16-year-old, punching him too and leaving him with a mouthful of broken teeth.

Judge Globe told presided: “Without doubt, the most serious of the three offenders is you. You were restrained by others but ignored them and acted in an extremely violent and aggressive manner.” He added: “You have a high profile as a footballer and you know that draws attention to you. Yet you drank to excess and behaved in an aggressive, disgraceful manner.” Barton was also ordered to pay a pathetic £2,500 to the youth whose teeth he broken, but let’s hope he pays more with his pretty little mouth in jail. This heinous human really should never play professional football again, but undoubtedly he’ll be given a pay rise or something after spending (realistically) about a fortnight in the nick. His club said in a statement to the BBC this afternoon: “Newcastle United notes the sentence passed to Joey Barton at Liverpool Crown Court today. The club is considering the verdict and will be making no further comment at this moment.”