08 February, 2008

Thai That on For Size

It seems like day-to-day life in Thailand really is just like the movies; any slight indiscretion is punished by a brutal gangland style beating. In other news, every girl out there is packing a yogurt chucker that’ll put most men to shame. The ladyboy truly is a fascinating creature; a modern day Siren if you will, drawing their prey with the allure of small hands and long hair, but then revealing their horrible monstrous nature just as you’re getting the camera out to secure the proof to send home to your mates. Not that there’s anything wrong with sleeping with men, it’s just, you know, deceitful to advertise dauphinoise when in reality all you’re selling is a small frozen oven chip.

Gladly. No hint of erectile tissue here......

Hang on......What the ..... Aaaaaargh!!!! Ladyboys!!!!

But back to the actual story. A Thai referee was yesterday physically dismantled by an entire football team after sending 3 of their players off and subsequently costing them promotion to the country's 2nd division.

Referee Prakong Sukguamala needed 50 stitches and also treatment for a broken finger after being attacked by the high-kicking Kuiburi FC squad, furious at their 4 – 1 loss to Kasem Bundit. The furious players rushed Prakong’s dressing room at the Ayutthaya stadium, and brought the pain in the form of 2-inch punches and Karate Kid-style Crane kicks. As the hapless referee tried to escape, he sprinted into the stadium’s central office, where hilariously he actually ran head-on into a mirror mounted on the wall. The Kuiburi team once again pounced on him and unleashed further hell, until they were finally encouraged to disperse by the police indiscriminately shooting in their general direction.

Prakong told Channel 3 TV (Bangkok’s number 3 stop for news, weather and gender-ambiguous porn movies) that he was ultimately forced to lock himself in the office to escape further punishment as the shots rang out. Covered in cuts and bruises, Prakong further insisted he had refereed the game fairly, despite accusations of severe bias, and had been advised by Thailand's soccer federation to press charges against the hardcore Kuiburi team.